The following was written as an explanation for what's been going on in the Halfworld Discord server, for those who have heard rumors or who wondered why it's been so quiet all of a sudden. We've all been tight-lipped about it in an attempt to protect each other's privacy and avoid public drama, but I realize that hasn't worked out the way I thought it would, so I'm telling the story now chronologically and with as much relevant detail as I can include without invading the personal lives of those involved. I've included some screenshots so that others' feelings can come through in their own words. This isn't meant as an attack on anyone, but we felt it was necessary to explain it this way to show how we came to our own conclusions and the choices we made. I want to apologize to our members for my own mistakes and failures, and to come clean so we can move on.
All of it was written by me (Kairos), and can thus cover only what I experienced personally, plus whatever input and feedback I could get on the parts I wasn't present for. I can answer questions if you have them, but otherwise I don't intend to add anything else to this page. Hopefully, this will be the last that's said on the matter, as all of us would like to be done with it.
All of it was written by me (Kairos), and can thus cover only what I experienced personally, plus whatever input and feedback I could get on the parts I wasn't present for. I can answer questions if you have them, but otherwise I don't intend to add anything else to this page. Hopefully, this will be the last that's said on the matter, as all of us would like to be done with it.
I made friends with Purple first on Ao3 and then Tumblr, connecting over our mutual love of a rare ship. At the time, that was about the extent of my involvement in the fandom - although I had been writing for GotG for a couple years, I was busy with life and hadn’t made the effort to explore much beyond fanfiction.
Later, I met Bandit the same way, but by then I’d lost my job and had time on my hands, so when he suggested we talk on Discord instead of Tumblr, I followed the whim of the moment and let him introduce me to the app. We decided to make a server for Rocket fans, since one didn’t exist at the time and we thought we knew enough people on Tumblr to keep it somewhat active.
Later, I met Bandit the same way, but by then I’d lost my job and had time on my hands, so when he suggested we talk on Discord instead of Tumblr, I followed the whim of the moment and let him introduce me to the app. We decided to make a server for Rocket fans, since one didn’t exist at the time and we thought we knew enough people on Tumblr to keep it somewhat active.
Naturally, Purple was the first one I thought to invite. I remembered that he had also suggested making a Discord server, but since that had been months ago and he hadn’t done it, he must have been waiting for others to show some interest. He joined the next day, along with a handful of others who had seen the Tumblr post on it, and things developed organically from there. Bandit and I were of like mind when it came to managing the place: there was no list of rules, mod status went to the first batch of members whose names we recognized, and altogether we kept a hands-off approach, coming in and talking when we felt like it just like everyone else.
It was more fun than I had expected, so I spent more time in there than I had expected. We expanded by a few dozen members and added more channels accordingly, along with making other small changes based on impromptu conversations about what everyone wanted. As in every online community, some members were more active than others, and Purple was especially active. I can’t speak to what it looked like to others, but eventually there seemed to be sort of an unofficial core membership of him, Bandit, and myself. All good. I was pretty fond of the place, and I liked how it had helped me get to know these people better.
When I went to FanX Comic Convention in September, with Purple in mind I took along a giant purple feather, a symbol of the Halfworld community that I thought I could use as a prop while taking pictures with the life-sized Rocket statue. I never found the statue there and the feather stayed in my purse the whole time, but I still have it, only now it hurts to look at it.
Between the con, the driving time, and a day of recuperation, I was gone from Discord for about a week. The first thing I saw when I returned, all excited to tell my friends about my trip, was a dispute about a member - Namu - leaving, and about posts being deleted by mods. I lingered there invisibly for a short while, but no explanation was coming so I set my status to active and asked what was going on. Purple warmly welcomed me back, first in the public chat and then over PMs, but he didn’t answer my question except to say it was a private matter, and neither did anyone else.
After a bit of PM conversation about FanX, Purple asked me to give him ownership of the server, which confused me because I was still relatively new to Discord and none of us had ever mentioned server ownership before. I asked if it had anything to do with whatever I had missed in the chat, and he said no. I went to Bandit to ask if there was any reason that I should have ownership rather than Purple, and he said it was up to me. With Bandit on one side not wanting to keep that role, and Purple on the other claiming there was nothing to it but sentimental value, it didn’t seem like much of a big deal. I was there to chat about Rocket, not to tell anyone else what to do.
I should say here that I had always felt a little concerned that Purple had been offended by me choosing to make the server with Bandit rather than him. It had been entirely based on timing, for me, but online communication can make things fuzzy and it was possible that I appeared to be rejecting Purple, the friend I had known longer. Not wanting Purple to feel unappreciated for his large presence in Halfworld, I said, “Sure, it’s more yours than mine,” and transferred the ownership to him.
It was more fun than I had expected, so I spent more time in there than I had expected. We expanded by a few dozen members and added more channels accordingly, along with making other small changes based on impromptu conversations about what everyone wanted. As in every online community, some members were more active than others, and Purple was especially active. I can’t speak to what it looked like to others, but eventually there seemed to be sort of an unofficial core membership of him, Bandit, and myself. All good. I was pretty fond of the place, and I liked how it had helped me get to know these people better.
When I went to FanX Comic Convention in September, with Purple in mind I took along a giant purple feather, a symbol of the Halfworld community that I thought I could use as a prop while taking pictures with the life-sized Rocket statue. I never found the statue there and the feather stayed in my purse the whole time, but I still have it, only now it hurts to look at it.
Between the con, the driving time, and a day of recuperation, I was gone from Discord for about a week. The first thing I saw when I returned, all excited to tell my friends about my trip, was a dispute about a member - Namu - leaving, and about posts being deleted by mods. I lingered there invisibly for a short while, but no explanation was coming so I set my status to active and asked what was going on. Purple warmly welcomed me back, first in the public chat and then over PMs, but he didn’t answer my question except to say it was a private matter, and neither did anyone else.
After a bit of PM conversation about FanX, Purple asked me to give him ownership of the server, which confused me because I was still relatively new to Discord and none of us had ever mentioned server ownership before. I asked if it had anything to do with whatever I had missed in the chat, and he said no. I went to Bandit to ask if there was any reason that I should have ownership rather than Purple, and he said it was up to me. With Bandit on one side not wanting to keep that role, and Purple on the other claiming there was nothing to it but sentimental value, it didn’t seem like much of a big deal. I was there to chat about Rocket, not to tell anyone else what to do.
I should say here that I had always felt a little concerned that Purple had been offended by me choosing to make the server with Bandit rather than him. It had been entirely based on timing, for me, but online communication can make things fuzzy and it was possible that I appeared to be rejecting Purple, the friend I had known longer. Not wanting Purple to feel unappreciated for his large presence in Halfworld, I said, “Sure, it’s more yours than mine,” and transferred the ownership to him.
The dispute from the public chat was still looming, though, and nobody else seemed to be doing anything about it, so I tried to find out which members were unhappy and what I could do to help them. Through several sources I learned that there had been pseudo-romantic entanglements between Purple and two of the other members, one of whom was Namu - although she did later return. The other mods had gone silent rather than answer anyone’s questions about it, and it was also pointed out to me that Purple had been deleting any posts that referenced these events, including mine.
When I confronted him about it he apologized and reiterated that it was private and he didn’t want any sign of it on the chat, and to be honest, I thought that was fair enough. Personal matters should stay personal; moderation comes into play only when those matters affect the community. Over the next few weeks, though, it became painfully clear that Purple’s request to get server ownership had everything to do with his personal relationships with individual members. He also demonstrated exactly why he shouldn’t be the one in charge: resisting the transparency of a publicly visible audit log, turning administrative discussions into arguments when he disagreed with all of the other mods, creating and removing user roles to rank people in order of how much he liked them, and threatening on multiple occasions to delete the server if things weren’t going his way.
Since I was the one who had gotten us into this mess, I took it on myself to try to set it right. I meant to use a light touch with Purple, who was openly upset about everything and feeling abandoned by his friends. Other members wanted faster, firmer solutions, but after relinquishing ownership I was more or less powerless except inasmuch as I could talk it out with him. There was always the chance that he would lash out and delete the server, or find some other way to take revenge on everyone who he believed had wronged him.
And of course I didn’t want to lose my purple-feather friend, who had always been so enthusiastic about Rocket and curious about my writing. I’m not the mentoring type, but I knew there were differences between me and the type of user our community generally attracted: I’m older, I have a solid real-life family and support system, and (I felt this was particularly relevant to our situation) I have a 0% chance of getting romantically involved with anyone I meet online. I no longer have any dependence on fandom activity, but it’s been part of my life for a good twenty years, and I know about its benefits as well as its dangers. Yeah, Halfworld was just a hole in the wall where obsessive Rocket fans came to mingle, but sometimes a little bit of positive interaction is all it takes to change a mood that changes a day that changes a life, and I didn’t want to take that potential away from anyone, Purple included.
One of the other members who had been involved in the initial interpersonal issues was Volpe, whose relationship with Purple remained complicated. I didn’t want to intrude, but they were both mods, and had been butting heads enough to make it into one of those matters that affects the server. I advised both of them to keep some distance from each other, even if that meant temporarily leaving Halfworld, but it was the nature of the beast that neither could bring himself to do that, and felt like I was taking the side of the other if I pressed. At one point, Purple told me something about Volpe’s past which had been told to him in confidence - I let this happen because I can keep a secret and because Purple seemed to be struggling with the burden of it, but that doesn’t make it okay and I know now I should have been clear about that at the time.
Over voice chat, I gently asked Purple for the server back and he had refused. My "soft touch" approach clearly wasn't getting anywhere, and when Purple asked what he needed to do to preserve our friendship after I snapped at him for attempting to shame a member, I was blunt about repeating that he should give me the server ownership back. I knew that others who knew about it agreed with me, but I didn’t know what they had been saying to Purple, if anything, until he and Volpe told me about an all-day conversation they’d had on voice chat. I wasn’t present for any of it, but apparently several options came up, including Purple’s idea of an alleged compromise in which he would give the server to a friend of his from outside the fandom. That was the first time I’d heard that Purple not only wanted the ownership for himself, but specifically didn’t want me to have it, and it stung. All along I had been considering myself the neutral party: Bandit didn’t want it, and I respected that, but Purple and Volpe were in opposition with each other. Someone had to take it, and I was the only active long-running mod left.
One of the other members who had been involved in the initial interpersonal issues was Volpe, whose relationship with Purple remained complicated. I didn’t want to intrude, but they were both mods, and had been butting heads enough to make it into one of those matters that affects the server. I advised both of them to keep some distance from each other, even if that meant temporarily leaving Halfworld, but it was the nature of the beast that neither could bring himself to do that, and felt like I was taking the side of the other if I pressed. At one point, Purple told me something about Volpe’s past which had been told to him in confidence - I let this happen because I can keep a secret and because Purple seemed to be struggling with the burden of it, but that doesn’t make it okay and I know now I should have been clear about that at the time.
Over voice chat, I gently asked Purple for the server back and he had refused. My "soft touch" approach clearly wasn't getting anywhere, and when Purple asked what he needed to do to preserve our friendship after I snapped at him for attempting to shame a member, I was blunt about repeating that he should give me the server ownership back. I knew that others who knew about it agreed with me, but I didn’t know what they had been saying to Purple, if anything, until he and Volpe told me about an all-day conversation they’d had on voice chat. I wasn’t present for any of it, but apparently several options came up, including Purple’s idea of an alleged compromise in which he would give the server to a friend of his from outside the fandom. That was the first time I’d heard that Purple not only wanted the ownership for himself, but specifically didn’t want me to have it, and it stung. All along I had been considering myself the neutral party: Bandit didn’t want it, and I respected that, but Purple and Volpe were in opposition with each other. Someone had to take it, and I was the only active long-running mod left.
But at the end of their conversation, Purple gave me the ownership back, saying he didn’t want it anymore and I was the only sensible person to have it. I thanked him sincerely and considered the entire ordeal done with, although I planned to hold off on taking any overt admin actions so that he would still feel included and important.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t done with at all. Purple later reinterpreted his talk with Volpe to mean that he had been tricked into believing that everyone hated him, and that that was the only reason he had given me the server. I suppose my own efforts to show that I still wanted him around as a friend and a mod had played a part in convincing him that he wasn’t hated (although I can’t imagine what I could have done instead), and he believed that meant that he should have the server ownership again. From what I’ve heard since then, he was also asking our mutual friends to coax me into giving it to him - none of them did, which was fairly inevitable if you’ve been following the story.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t done with at all. Purple later reinterpreted his talk with Volpe to mean that he had been tricked into believing that everyone hated him, and that that was the only reason he had given me the server. I suppose my own efforts to show that I still wanted him around as a friend and a mod had played a part in convincing him that he wasn’t hated (although I can’t imagine what I could have done instead), and he believed that meant that he should have the server ownership again. From what I’ve heard since then, he was also asking our mutual friends to coax me into giving it to him - none of them did, which was fairly inevitable if you’ve been following the story.
As you can see in the screencaps, Purple had constructed a narrative of being the one who had originally created Halfworld, and tried to sell me on it despite my having been there from the beginning: apparently it was the only argument he could find in his favor, since the facade of “sentimental value” had crumbled and there was no evidence for me not being capable of running the place. Rather than claiming he had actually made the server, he started by saying it had been his idea which was stolen from him when Bandit and I went ahead and built one without him. Like I said above, I did used to have some guilt over accepting Bandit’s invitation when I had turned down Purple’s, so when talking to Purple I emphasized how I had made that choice based on timing, and how we had brought him in right away. None of that seemed to actually factor into Purple’s objection, though, which was more about how we had done it at all rather than sitting back so he could do it.
I never got a straight answer from Purple about why he hadn’t completed his own server after mentioning it to me, since months had passed and I now knew from experience that it didn’t take a day to get one set up. If he wasn’t ready, there’s no logic in expecting the fandom to wait for his Rocket server when another one is already available - especially when nobody had any clue there was anything to wait for. I get the impression that my own involvement had some special value for the project (Purple and I were not only each other’s first friends in the fandom, but I was one of the most active Rocket fanfiction writers), but of course he couldn’t say that without poking another hole in the story of this being his sole project which was stolen from him. He also maintained that he had contributed the most to Halfworld, which I found both arbitrary and irrelevant to who should have server ownership - some of his contributions had been welcome, some were tolerated because nobody wanted to pick a bone with him, and some were essentially imagined.
Needless to say, I refused to return the server to him. We didn’t fall out immediately, but we didn’t level out, either. One day he would be apologetic, the next day act like nothing had happened, and the next he would be angry at me for reasons I could barely comprehend, like being nice to Volpe or referring to Halfworld as something Bandit and I had made together. He frequently asked me for confirmation of our friendship, at one point even requesting that I give him the server for one minute to prove that I trusted him - which I did, though ultimately it appears to have proven nothing. Sometimes he would say he was going to leave, but that he first wanted assurance that he would keep his mod status even if he did.
I never got a straight answer from Purple about why he hadn’t completed his own server after mentioning it to me, since months had passed and I now knew from experience that it didn’t take a day to get one set up. If he wasn’t ready, there’s no logic in expecting the fandom to wait for his Rocket server when another one is already available - especially when nobody had any clue there was anything to wait for. I get the impression that my own involvement had some special value for the project (Purple and I were not only each other’s first friends in the fandom, but I was one of the most active Rocket fanfiction writers), but of course he couldn’t say that without poking another hole in the story of this being his sole project which was stolen from him. He also maintained that he had contributed the most to Halfworld, which I found both arbitrary and irrelevant to who should have server ownership - some of his contributions had been welcome, some were tolerated because nobody wanted to pick a bone with him, and some were essentially imagined.
Needless to say, I refused to return the server to him. We didn’t fall out immediately, but we didn’t level out, either. One day he would be apologetic, the next day act like nothing had happened, and the next he would be angry at me for reasons I could barely comprehend, like being nice to Volpe or referring to Halfworld as something Bandit and I had made together. He frequently asked me for confirmation of our friendship, at one point even requesting that I give him the server for one minute to prove that I trusted him - which I did, though ultimately it appears to have proven nothing. Sometimes he would say he was going to leave, but that he first wanted assurance that he would keep his mod status even if he did.
All that would have been tolerable except that he was still telling me how to run the server whenever there was an admin decision that only I could make. A recurring theme was his insistence on demodding Volpe, which put me back in the place of favoring one or the other of them. Volpe had depression and was a suicide risk (how big of a risk, I never tried to find out, because any at all is enough to merit caution from anyone with a conscience), but he had always been fine as a mod and I saw no reason to punish him for something that had no effect on the server. On the other hand, I was also still trying not to rub anything in Purple’s face, and he did make one good point - two mods having each other blocked was going to make things difficult. At Volpe’s request, I opened a chat with both of them to lay out some ground rules, cautioning them that I was going to listen to both sides but the final word would be mine.
It looked productive until Purple, without warning, brought up something private about Volpe and pointed to it as a reason that he shouldn’t be a mod. This was part of what he had already told me without Volpe’s consent, but it shocked me to see it so casually mentioned when Purple knew how much it had hurt him the first time. Volpe was extremely distraught, and I made the snap decision to remove Purple’s mod status. I also removed Volpe’s, because one of the rules I had just made was to keep them at the same status, as a way to avoid the appearance of favoritism. The idea was for it to be a temporary cooldown measure, but I also noted that I wasn’t making any promises for when the week was up.
It looked productive until Purple, without warning, brought up something private about Volpe and pointed to it as a reason that he shouldn’t be a mod. This was part of what he had already told me without Volpe’s consent, but it shocked me to see it so casually mentioned when Purple knew how much it had hurt him the first time. Volpe was extremely distraught, and I made the snap decision to remove Purple’s mod status. I also removed Volpe’s, because one of the rules I had just made was to keep them at the same status, as a way to avoid the appearance of favoritism. The idea was for it to be a temporary cooldown measure, but I also noted that I wasn’t making any promises for when the week was up.
Purple asked to keep his special role that made his name appear purple (like the mods), and a bit later asked for all of the emojis he had added to be taken down. I agreed to both, but then he wanted to keep talking about server issues when I had stressed that this was supposed to be a time when we could all step away from that and just coexist. I ended up telling him that I was extending the cooldown period, for him alone, by another week. Volpe, on the other hand, was cooperative and even offered to replace those of the emojis that Purple hadn’t designed himself. I quietly restored his mod role at the end of the week.
We probably still could have regained some kind of harmony from there, except that Namu and Volpe came to me again and explained that Purple was still picking on Namu in small petty ways. In the most recent instance he had fussed about her use of tags in the public chat, then deleted his comment after she had seen it. I told him to stop, and an argument kicked off in our PMs. I was already at the end of my patience when Purple started up his old tune about his hurt feelings. His fixation on controlling the server, his refusal to acknowledge the severity of anything he had done, and, especially, his apathetic attitude toward the very real danger in Volpe’s triggers had killed my remaining sympathy for him. I was harsh and I can’t say I regret it. He asked again if I would prove that I trusted him by temporarily transferring ownership to him, and I refused, mostly because I was insulted by the idea that I was the one who had to make amends. That was when I told him I was unlikely to ever restore his mod status, and I assume that was when he decided to leave Halfworld and start his own server.
We probably still could have regained some kind of harmony from there, except that Namu and Volpe came to me again and explained that Purple was still picking on Namu in small petty ways. In the most recent instance he had fussed about her use of tags in the public chat, then deleted his comment after she had seen it. I told him to stop, and an argument kicked off in our PMs. I was already at the end of my patience when Purple started up his old tune about his hurt feelings. His fixation on controlling the server, his refusal to acknowledge the severity of anything he had done, and, especially, his apathetic attitude toward the very real danger in Volpe’s triggers had killed my remaining sympathy for him. I was harsh and I can’t say I regret it. He asked again if I would prove that I trusted him by temporarily transferring ownership to him, and I refused, mostly because I was insulted by the idea that I was the one who had to make amends. That was when I told him I was unlikely to ever restore his mod status, and I assume that was when he decided to leave Halfworld and start his own server.
When I first heard about 9 Realms I wasn’t that bothered, even though it was clear that he had built it off the template of Halfworld (right down to copying text that I had written and emojis that Bandit had designed), rather than making use of the server he had allegedly been working on since before Halfworld was created. Purple wanted a place where he could be in charge, and I just wanted to not have to deal with him anymore, so a bit less activity on the server was a price I was more than willing to pay. However, Volpe was upset about it and kept lurking in 9 Realms, and it looked to him like we were losing members while they were gaining them.
I don’t know everything that was said between him and Purple or others after this point, or the order in which certain events happened, but I know that Volpe felt so harassed that just hearing Purple’s voice was enough to send him into a panic attack. I had always dismissed concerns that Purple would use any of the offline information he had on any of us to cause damage beyond Discord (think doxxing), but after hearing about certain conversations on voice chat, I wasn’t so sure, and I began taking stock of anything that could make me or anyone else vulnerable. To me, though, avoiding Purple altogether still seemed like the best course of action, so I made it clear to anyone who asked that we weren’t in competition with the other server and they were free to be part of either one, or both. This time, Volpe agreed and cut contact, to my relief. Purple was still a member at Halfworld, but hadn’t been speaking since he created his own server.
When I first heard about 9 Realms I wasn’t that bothered, even though it was clear that he had built it off the template of Halfworld (right down to copying text that I had written and emojis that Bandit had designed), rather than making use of the server he had allegedly been working on since before Halfworld was created. Purple wanted a place where he could be in charge, and I just wanted to not have to deal with him anymore, so a bit less activity on the server was a price I was more than willing to pay. However, Volpe was upset about it and kept lurking in 9 Realms, and it looked to him like we were losing members while they were gaining them.
I don’t know everything that was said between him and Purple or others after this point, or the order in which certain events happened, but I know that Volpe felt so harassed that just hearing Purple’s voice was enough to send him into a panic attack. I had always dismissed concerns that Purple would use any of the offline information he had on any of us to cause damage beyond Discord (think doxxing), but after hearing about certain conversations on voice chat, I wasn’t so sure, and I began taking stock of anything that could make me or anyone else vulnerable. To me, though, avoiding Purple altogether still seemed like the best course of action, so I made it clear to anyone who asked that we weren’t in competition with the other server and they were free to be part of either one, or both. This time, Volpe agreed and cut contact, to my relief. Purple was still a member at Halfworld, but hadn’t been speaking since he created his own server.
One day Volpe was invited into a voice chat with another member, one who nobody had any beef with, and accepted it only to find Purple connecting to the same chat. Predictably, he freaked out, told me what had happened, and removed himself from the situation. A few minutes later, Purple asked me into a group voice chat, changed to text when I said I was on a computer without a microphone.
When I entered the group I was already infuriated, literally trembling with it, and I do know the correct usage of the word ‘literally’. Purple had just endangered someone’s life and used another person’s ignorance to arrange the necessary deception for it, and wasn't even attempting to justify it. Figuring I deserved a little moral support, I brought Namu into the group and let Purple’s new gang say their piece to both of us, but I didn’t hold back on what I thought about it. Basically, it was proposed that I should hand over the Halfworld server to one of them, and then they would delete theirs and return. The only alternative, from their point of view, was a “server war”, despite Namu and me repeatedly stating that we weren’t going to take part in that and a one-sided war is nothing but an attack.
When I entered the group I was already infuriated, literally trembling with it, and I do know the correct usage of the word ‘literally’. Purple had just endangered someone’s life and used another person’s ignorance to arrange the necessary deception for it, and wasn't even attempting to justify it. Figuring I deserved a little moral support, I brought Namu into the group and let Purple’s new gang say their piece to both of us, but I didn’t hold back on what I thought about it. Basically, it was proposed that I should hand over the Halfworld server to one of them, and then they would delete theirs and return. The only alternative, from their point of view, was a “server war”, despite Namu and me repeatedly stating that we weren’t going to take part in that and a one-sided war is nothing but an attack.
Before this I hadn’t known or cared what Purple was doing to recruit members, but the group he had gathered there was enlightening: the guy who had duped Volpe into the voice chat, two teenagers whose access to NSFW material I had recently revoked, and Purple’s personal friend from outside the fandom (the one he had once said he wanted to give the server to - also, it seems, the one who had suggested doxxing Volpe).
It was pretty easy to see what had brought each of them there based on what I knew about them, but there was one other, Kairon, who I couldn’t figure out. He was a new Halfworld member who had been chatting there for a few days before moving over to 9 Realms, so I didn’t know much about him, but he did most of the talking in this confrontation - probably even more than Purple. They had the exact same views and arguments, though, and even a tendency to use the same vocabulary. Apparently, he had either aligned himself with Purple before hearing any other side to the story, or they had been in total share mode for the past week and the private chat logs he had seen somehow hadn’t tipped him off.
Either option was pretty distasteful, but also simply unlikely enough that it kept niggling at me. Kairon didn’t sound like an idiot, and I didn’t see a good reason for him to buy into someone’s bullshit so rapidly. I googled for his screen name and came up empty except for a Tumblr which had nothing but a handful of posts which were all made the day that he had joined Halfworld. I reviewed his first public conversations with Purple and noticed that they had all of the same interests and kinks, that they were instantly full of admiration for each other, and that they lived close enough to each other to have met in person already. I brought it up with a couple friends, and we found that none of us had ever seen them typing at the same time, or in voice chat at the same time.
Either option was pretty distasteful, but also simply unlikely enough that it kept niggling at me. Kairon didn’t sound like an idiot, and I didn’t see a good reason for him to buy into someone’s bullshit so rapidly. I googled for his screen name and came up empty except for a Tumblr which had nothing but a handful of posts which were all made the day that he had joined Halfworld. I reviewed his first public conversations with Purple and noticed that they had all of the same interests and kinks, that they were instantly full of admiration for each other, and that they lived close enough to each other to have met in person already. I brought it up with a couple friends, and we found that none of us had ever seen them typing at the same time, or in voice chat at the same time.
(The following happened when Bandit had as yet had no interaction with Kairon whatsoever.)
I would rather stick to the facts than speculate on Purple’s thought process, so suffice to say I can see plenty of ways that creating an alt account to back up his primary presence would be an appealing strategy. It did cast a new light on everything that had come before, though. Making up a new identity to fool your allies as well as your supposed enemies is crossing a line that most people involved in online drama wouldn’t even consider. Everyone who’s formed a friendship of some kind with Kairon has my unmitigated sympathy.
(Unless I see evidence to the contrary, by the way, I’m choosing to believe that the similarity in his screen name to mine is a coincidence.)
After the chat with Kairon et al., I removed the mod status of the one who had taken up with Purple, and I let the remaining mods know that I wasn’t asking anyone to take sides but that they might be hearing rumors about me or other members, and I was ready to answer any questions about it. I couldn’t really think of any other action to take. Bandit and I hadn’t talked for a while, and I was too ashamed to ask him to weigh in when I knew this was my own responsibility.
(Unless I see evidence to the contrary, by the way, I’m choosing to believe that the similarity in his screen name to mine is a coincidence.)
After the chat with Kairon et al., I removed the mod status of the one who had taken up with Purple, and I let the remaining mods know that I wasn’t asking anyone to take sides but that they might be hearing rumors about me or other members, and I was ready to answer any questions about it. I couldn’t really think of any other action to take. Bandit and I hadn’t talked for a while, and I was too ashamed to ask him to weigh in when I knew this was my own responsibility.
Gradually, activity at Halfworld dropped off altogether, and we learned that Purple and his friends had been messaging our members individually to warn them away from us and encourage them to post on 9 Realms instead. More troubling, for me, was that they also cut off all direct communication with me, even those who I was sure had held me in fairly high regard, even those to whom I had been explaining my side of the story. I’ve been racking my brain for what they could have heard - it must have been bad, and there must have been something that looked like proof, but I can’t think of what I said or did that would cause that kind of reaction, even if it were taken out of context. But of course, I had lost my temper with Purple more than once, and screenshots probably aren’t that hard to alter, and then there was my defense of Volpe.
One of Purple’s last communications with me (under his original account) was to show me a clip from a recent private chat between himself and Volpe, in which Volpe appeared to be threatening to use his hacking skills to ruin his life. I was on voice chat with Volpe at the time and already knew that this had been a response to Purple’s threats, as mentioned above, and that Volpe was saying he would never try to hurt someone that way even though he had the power to.
One of Purple’s last communications with me (under his original account) was to show me a clip from a recent private chat between himself and Volpe, in which Volpe appeared to be threatening to use his hacking skills to ruin his life. I was on voice chat with Volpe at the time and already knew that this had been a response to Purple’s threats, as mentioned above, and that Volpe was saying he would never try to hurt someone that way even though he had the power to.
I admit I brushed it off as not urgent, knowing that no one was in danger, and my response to Purple was belated, but on the off chance that he really was scared, I did return later to assure him as plainly as I could that Volpe wasn’t plotting anything. It just didn’t occur to me that Purple could and would share that clip with others as easily as he had with me. They of course wouldn’t have the background for interpreting it that I had, and Volpe would come off looking like a dangerous hacker, and I would come off looking just as bad for calling him a friend.
I don’t know if that’s what happened. Even if it did, there’s probably more, and it’s probably stuff that I wouldn’t have even thought to theorize about. But I know that I’ve been as honest as I can be with everyone on Halfworld, and that I never considered hurting someone or accepted that behavior in anyone else, so it’s clear that some sizable lies are circulating.
This is a lot of words to explain why I wouldn’t give over the Halfworld server ownership to Purple, especially since I suspect it’s not even what I’m being accused of anymore. Unfortunately, it’s all I’ve got, as this is how my involvement in events unfolded and I can’t answer to what I don’t know about. Writing it out may not change anything; people are going to believe what they believe, and even I had a hard time coming to grips with the idea of someone going to such lengths just because he wanted to have control of a Discord server. If you go back to the beginning, though, you’ll see that the server wasn’t the goal in and of itself, as the trouble only began when he wanted a way to punish two people who had hurt his feelings. Then it becomes a much more familiar story: a guy wanted a girl, and she chose another.
We’re more or less up to the present, now, although there may be a few more things I should explain. I removed the mod status from everyone, because there was nothing to moderate and because it had become too symbolic. Volpe and Namu both took a break from Halfworld, for obvious reasons. I tried to keep posting as if everything was normal, but with Purple hovering and the occasional jab showing up on our public chat, it got to be too painful. It’s been affecting my offline life too - my sleep, my creative productivity, very nearly my marriage.
Don’t take that to mean I’m giving up on the server. God knows I’ve been heartsick over this for long enough that a reasonable person might be expected to remove the source and cut ties just to see an end to it, but I know that’s not the answer. I want us to continue in whatever way will make members happy, even if there are only a few of us. I’m not asking anyone for anything, but there’s no way to get back on track without the truth being available, so, I’m bringing you the truth. Do as you will with it.
Finally, knowing Purple will eventually see this, I’m going to address him directly: it’s time to get help. Validation from people you meet online isn’t going to bring you the fulfillment you’re craving. There’s no benefit to be had in friendships that are based on falsehood. Please find the good in the ugliness we’ve been through, and let yourself become the person you want others to see.
This is a lot of words to explain why I wouldn’t give over the Halfworld server ownership to Purple, especially since I suspect it’s not even what I’m being accused of anymore. Unfortunately, it’s all I’ve got, as this is how my involvement in events unfolded and I can’t answer to what I don’t know about. Writing it out may not change anything; people are going to believe what they believe, and even I had a hard time coming to grips with the idea of someone going to such lengths just because he wanted to have control of a Discord server. If you go back to the beginning, though, you’ll see that the server wasn’t the goal in and of itself, as the trouble only began when he wanted a way to punish two people who had hurt his feelings. Then it becomes a much more familiar story: a guy wanted a girl, and she chose another.
We’re more or less up to the present, now, although there may be a few more things I should explain. I removed the mod status from everyone, because there was nothing to moderate and because it had become too symbolic. Volpe and Namu both took a break from Halfworld, for obvious reasons. I tried to keep posting as if everything was normal, but with Purple hovering and the occasional jab showing up on our public chat, it got to be too painful. It’s been affecting my offline life too - my sleep, my creative productivity, very nearly my marriage.
Don’t take that to mean I’m giving up on the server. God knows I’ve been heartsick over this for long enough that a reasonable person might be expected to remove the source and cut ties just to see an end to it, but I know that’s not the answer. I want us to continue in whatever way will make members happy, even if there are only a few of us. I’m not asking anyone for anything, but there’s no way to get back on track without the truth being available, so, I’m bringing you the truth. Do as you will with it.
Finally, knowing Purple will eventually see this, I’m going to address him directly: it’s time to get help. Validation from people you meet online isn’t going to bring you the fulfillment you’re craving. There’s no benefit to be had in friendships that are based on falsehood. Please find the good in the ugliness we’ve been through, and let yourself become the person you want others to see.
